


A New Purpose

by eeearnest



Category: Naruto, Violet Evergarden (Anime)
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, F/M, Fuuinjutsu, Gen, but you never know, emotions seal, i don't think we'll get smutty, liberties are taken with possibilities, secret santa gift, some plot points taken from canon on both sides
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21891538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeearnest/pseuds/eeearnest
Summary: She has only ever known ROOT, and suddenly she's been appointed to a new station with Major Kakashi. The seal she's been given to cut her emotions is unethical at best, forcing her into an existence that many would label as less than human. She is a weapon, and thinks of herself this way.Kakashi sees her as a human, a person and one in desperate need of his help.Their journey together has twists and turns, but perhaps one day she can claim to be worth the name he has given her.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a secret santa gift for Jell77Art, <3
> 
> thanks for requesting such an awesome AU! ^-^   
> (I have the whole story plotted out, so you should expect the rest to come along soonish) ;)

A New Purpose

…

This story, like many, started with a child. An unwanted child, in a tiny, insignificant mining village in the deep redwood forests of the Land of Fire. This village, like many others at that time, had come upon hardship, the mines had run dry and they had been forced to make risky, dangerous choices to dig deeper and deeper into the barren earth. Poor working conditions made the people there fall ill frequently and they were desperate for medicine, food, and of course-money. Families couldn’t afford to even feed themselves, and this situation was exactly where our child found her start. She would have been the youngest of five, and in the short time she stayed with those who created her, she was loathed wholeheartedly, a burden and nothing more. The couple debated abandoning her often, only stopped by the thought of legal repercussions should they be caught.

Then, on a dreary night in the middle of the coldest winter the town had ever experienced, a man came to their house, claiming he was with a special school that took in impoverished children such as the girl, and would do so free of charge. In fact it was quite the opposite, they would pay the parents to take their child. There was no argument and they didn't particularly care if it sounded suspicious; they handed over the baby, and took the money. They were selfish people, and that was exactly the situation the man’s organization exploited.

All over the Land of Fire, other abandoned and unwanted children were taken up and put to a new ‘purpose’.

This baby girl was wrapped tight in a thin blanket, slung onto the man’s back and taken far away, into the crooked mountains of the Land of Lightning and the many cave systems lying within. She and her thin, wispy pink hair and bright green eyes yet untainted by cruelty would not be given a name or identity to speak of.

The number at the end of her bed was a worn 17, and that would be close enough.

...

She was not told much about the organization, just that they called themselves R.O.O.T and that their purpose was to be useful tools to the Land of Fire, to carry out the jobs that the Hokage needed them to, and to protect the people there by any means necessary. Morality was not a factor there, to be useful was the only goal and considered a paramount achievement-at any and all costs.

...

To make friends was impossible, for they were never taught what a friend was. They were only taught skills in fighting and survival. Their Caretakers, as they called themselves, were ruthless. They had a strict training regimen they were all to follow, and they enforced it without compassion or patience. There was no tolerance for repeated mistakes or weakness. They encouraged growth that would make the children useful, and harshly rebuked everything else; they praised loyalty and intent to kill and shunned kindness, compassion and other emotional distractions. Of course, such things were not as prevalent once a child had a seal. (Their group was considered ‘superior’ for they had never had such issues.)

This ‘seal’ was an intricate circle spiral at the back of each of their necks. None of them actually remembered receiving them, as they were given upon arrival at the bunker, and they had all arrived as infants. Some were curious, but most thought nothing of it. It was simply how things were, and they were given no reason to question the Caretakers.

After this seal was given to a child, all useless emotion was cut off from their daily lives, the severing cutting deeper as they grew older. When the girl asked about it, because her curiosity was unaffected by her seal, she was told it was given to them as a gift to make them more useful. The seal would inhibit such trivial and useless things as sadness, anger, happiness and love. She was told she should be grateful, for the seal was difficult to perform and many that did them saw it as an inconvenience.

She accepted this as truth, and didn’t ask about it again.

It was after the children turned two that their true training began, and any sense of humanity they had once had slowly shriveled into nothingness, leaving behind a deadly husk of a human being. Honed weapons, each and every one of them. Many didn’t talk, it was easier not to. Others failed, dying in any variety of manner. Some failed on missions and were killed by the enemy, others succumbed to the harsh weather, a few rejected the seal and attempted to claw it out, causing themselves to bleed out in the process, and some simply vanished. The Caretakers never explained those, and questions were rarely tolerated on the subject.

The girl didn’t feel any sadness when such a child was lost, she had no emotional attachment to their lives, and simply thought ‘ _they must not have been useful enough, I must be as useful as possible._ '

In their training, they were taught to listen, to observe at the smallest level of detail, to remember, to watch and to kill in perfect silence and almost more importantly: to get away without being detected. To be a perfect weapon. Efficiency was the goal, and they got good at ending lives quickly, without hesitation. When they reached their eighth winter, their individual strengths were tested and recognized, picked apart and perfected. This stage would take several years.

The girl of bunk number 17 was praised for her chakra control, an essential skill for making a chakra signature disappear, and was molded into a deadly genjutsu user. She could sneak up on an enemy undetected, take control of their chakra systems and make them see anything she wanted, giving herself or those assigned to her team an easy opening on many a high risk mission.

Genjutsu wasn’t the only thing she was good at, they were taught that mission directives could be anything and thus had to be prepared for a multitude of possibilities. They were taught hand to hand combat, weapon manipulation in a variety of use cases, how to make and repair them, among other skills. Basic vocal communication was taught, but unnecessary subjects were avoided entirely.

Those in her bunker were sometimes referred to as a ‘class.’ The girl was the best of them, fast and deadly, and perhaps because of this she was the first to pass their final training test. The battle was a test of attachment and weakness, like many they had gone through over the years, but slightly different. This battle would be to the death. Her opponent was the girl from two bunks down, the one sometimes referred to as ‘15’. She wore her hair in two small buns at the top of her head and was an excellent weapons user. The girl remembered learning better axe throwing from 15, but these memories were discarded once the battle began.

If they had existed in a different world and a different time, they might have been friends.

The girl was a deadly opponent. She caught '15' in an illusion almost immediately, so flawless it was mistaken for reality, giving her the opening she needed. She took one of those beautiful knives 15 had preferred right off her hip, and slit her throat. The fight was over in less than a minute.

15’s body dropped to the ground and the girl wiped her blade on the corpse’s clothing before tucking it into her own simple belt. Any scrap of attachment to human life the girl may have felt were gone, watching her opponent bleed out on the floor did nothing to her.

She didn’t feel anything knowing this person’s life was over. She bent to press a pair of fingers against her neck just to be sure there was no chance of her survival. It didn’t bother her when her fingers came away coated in blood.

15 was simply a lesser weapon, not as useful as herself. It didn’t matter if there was one less useless weapon in the world.

There was a small audience gathered to watch them, and unknown to her, they all thought she was a heartless monster, and their reaction to this fact was mixed. Some wanted to vomit, some wanted to kill her, some were terrified of her murderous abilities, while still others saw her skill and were pleased with her efficiency.

There was nothing but pride in her heart at knowing she could be useful.

She was the perfect weapon.

...

Soon after this battle, orders came to her that she was being assigned to a new post. A naval Captain had seen her battle with 15 and had asked for her to be recruited to his company.

She accepted this and left a mere five minutes later, her only possessions being the plain uniform she wore already and the knife she had won off 15. She was made to stay in a box on a ship, and knew nothing but the inside of that crate for days, only let out to maintain some level of hygiene and sustain herself on meager rations.

The girl wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, and she worried she might have done something wrong and was being taken away to be discarded.

...

She slept often in this box, for there was nothing else to do, and staying awake just to listen to the swaying ship did nothing productive for her. Eventually the swaying of the vessel stopped, and she was taken off the ship. The box containing her was fairly well built; she couldn’t see much, and only heard her own breathing, dull murmuring of voices, and the roll of wheels on pavement underneath her box.

The girl was hauled inside a building and jarringly drug up several stairs before she was let down in a room she couldn’t see.

It was dark, and when the box was not opened, she fell asleep once more.

_“Go on, open it. But don’t get too attached. Use it as a weapon, it doesn’t have any other purpose.”_

Her box was kicked open but the girl only minimally roused.

“Hey—wake up.” Another person spoke to her.

She blinked and shifted up, her form swimming in oversized shirt. It was the only garment given to her by the Captain after hers had been ruined beyond repair in their travels.

“I picked her up from a… special camp near the Northern front and Lightning. It doesn’t have a name… I’ve just been calling it _you_.”

The Captain’s hand gripped tight in her hair, forcing her head up and forward to face another man’s.

“Hey _you_ , say hello.”

The new man frowned at the action, and in an instant took her wrist and pulled her to his chest, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and holding her head to him with the other. She tensed, prepared to fight for her life should it become necessary.

“Mizuki! You can’t treat a child like that!”

His arms were tight on her body, but somehow she didn’t feel threatened. She almost felt... safe. Almost. She relaxed, if only minimally.

The Captain sighed and huffed a short laugh, “'Kashi—that’s no child, in _any_ sense of the word. It’s just a weapon.”

“What are you saying? A weapon?”

“Come now, don’t play stupid, brother, we both know exactly what organization has trained it to be the emotionless weapon it is. Just use it, I’ve seen exactly how easily it can kill, it is an... _exceptional_ tool for the purpose of war, nothing more. Similar to your beginnings in ANBU-in a way.”

The man holding her didn’t move and was silent for several moments before he loosened his hold on her, allowing a breath of space between them.

“Okay. I’ll take her.” He responded to the Captain, never taking his eyes off her.

“Splendid,” the Captain gave them a smile before looking to her, his expression falling to one she recognized from the Caretakers. It was what they had described as 'disgust', when one of them failed miserably.

“Major Kakashi will be your new commanding officer. You must follow all of his orders now and protect him with your life. That is an order; if anyone or anything should threaten his life, you are to do everything in your power to prevent it.”

She nodded once in understanding.

The Captain left them after that, only pausing to clap his hand over the Major’s shoulder before moving on. Once the door closed behind him, Major Kakashi took a step back from her and rubbed at the back of his neck. She didn’t understand his expression, and instead took the opportunity to inspect her new commanding officer.

He was quite similar to the Captain in appearance, tall, with a lean stature and pale silver hair despite their young age, though his overall demeanor was much more relaxed than his brother's. The Major's uniform was an olive green instead of blue and his hair was shorter; a stark contrast to the Captain's long, neat braid. These were only slight differences, the one that truly caught her attention was the difference in their eyes... the Captain's eyes were dark blue and steely, a hard and intense gaze of authority, and Major Kakashi's were softer. They had a fiery spirit about them, but she found it hard to explain. One was a deep charcoal black, like a never-ending pit that could swallow you whole, and the other was the color of blood, red and swirling with a scar cut right through it. This wound started from his brow and continued over his cheek beyond where she could see: the bottom half of his face was covered with a mask.

She was curious about this mask, and almost asked why he wore it. At the time she kept her mouth shut, she needed to be useful, and would take any orders given. Asking too many questions might upset him.

“What is your name?” the Major asked her, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

The girl didn’t know how to answer such a question, she had never been given such a thing. She just shook her head.

…

The Major took her to a large home after that. He rang a bell at the door and they waited. It was cold, winter time again, and snow fell all around them. Moments later a woman answered the door.

“Kakashi! And… oh my! Who is this?” The woman looked to her, questioning.

The Major didn’t answer her question, walking right past her and into the home.

“Could you draw up a bath for her? Oh, and a change of clothes. I’m afraid my uniforms are too large for her.”

“What should I tell Madame Hatake? She is currently at the estate in Konoha.”

The Major turned back to her, leaving his coat over a chair by the door, “There’s no need to tell mother, I’m just looking after her for a while.”

“As you wish, Kakashi.”

He left the room after that, and the girl’s eyes followed him, all but ignoring the housekeeper’s words to her.

“It’s okay, little one, come with me and we’ll get you all cleaned up.”

She was wary of this new woman, and if she had had a weapon she might have tried to use it. Was she supposed to go with this person? The Major hadn’t ordered her to do anything, was this a test? Alternatively, Major Kakashi had directed the woman to assist her. She might be disobeying if she refused.

In the end she went with the housekeeper, prepared to flee or fight back if needed at any moment.

She was led to a small washroom and the woman helped her fold up the large uniform the girl discarded. She looked around, finding little of real interest, and disappointingly nothing that could truly be used as an effective weapon. There was a small window on one wall, with drawn curtains to allow what little sunlight shone outside in through marbled glass. It cast a soft yellow light across the floor in a beam, but left the rest of the room in a dimly lit grey. The sink held several different soaps and various different bottles she didn’t recognize. Above it hung a large circular mirror, and she startled at her own reflection.

Her pink hair was dull and uneven, hanging in several different lengths, dirty and clumped, tangled in many places. She poked at the pale skin of her face, marveling at the change it made to her eye and mouth shape in doing so. Underneath her eyes the skin was dark and she opened her mouth to look at her teeth.

“Miss, the bath is ready, please, get in.”

…

The woman was gentle with her, much kinder than any of the Caretakers had ever been in ROOT, and the girl wondered what might be the reasoning behind such a difference in behavior between them. She helped her bathe where the girl could not easily reach and the soap she used was scented. It was a pleasant scent, but she didn’t have the capacity of emotion to react to it.

_"This soap smells."_

_"It’s scented with vanilla and lavender...do you like it?"_

_"..."_

_"...I don't know."_

They redressed her afterward in a plain shirt and trousers found in a closet in a spare room. They were still large, but much closer to fitting than before. The woman helped her attach a pair of suspenders to the trousers to keep them from falling, and they returned to the entrance of the manor, there they turned left and found the Major in a parlor.

“Sir, there is... something you should see.”

Major Kakashi wasn’t wearing his uniform anymore, instead dressed in blue trousers and a dark grey shirt branded with a leaf, the symbol of the Land of Fire’s capital, Konoha.

“What is it?” He asked, standing and folding his newspaper before tossing it aside on the table.

“There is a… mark on her neck. I don’t know anything of these things myself, but you might recognize such a thing.”

The Major approached her and she reflexively took a step back, making her commanding officer stop.

“Come here, please.” He asked her, and she followed the direction instantly.

The housekeeper took her still damp hair and pulled it off to the side, revealing her neck. She stiffened, having such a vulnerable part of herself left exposed was not ideal. _What if an enemy--_

“Our housekeeper, Furumi, is not going to hurt you. _I_ am not going to hurt you. Relax. There’s no need to be so tense. You may go, Furumi.”

She heard the housekeeper leave the room and tried to relax while the Major inspected the back of her neck. The seal. He didn't touch it but she could feel his eyes staring at her, boring holes into her skin. When he spoke his voice had a tightness to it, he was upset.

“What kind of monster would do this? To a child no less?”

He stepped away from her leaned on the table facing away from her, his hands spread flat. She lifted her head so that her hair might fall to cover the back of her neck.

_I hope I haven't done something wrong._

“Please sit.” He gestured to a stool nearby.

She sat and waited. He was silent for a few minutes, and the room grew quiet until she could hear even the faint pops of the fireplace behind them and the smallest flex of the window frames when bitter cold winds blew past them. The Major pushed himself away from the table and walked behind her.

“Hm...it might be easier to see if your hair was tied back.”

She nodded.

“A simple braid is easy enough, I can teach you, and tie it for you this time.”

“As you wish, Major Kakashi.”

He took up her hair and started the task.

“You have a title to address me, but how should I speak to you? Do you have any name you can recall?”

“None, sir.”

“Then we will have to give you one.”

His long fingers combing through her hair were gentle, patient with the tangles and slow with the rest. When he started to weave the pieces together, his fingers would brush the seal at her neck occasionally and she fought a strange urge to wince away from the touch at each occurrence.

“When did you get the seal on your neck?” He asked her after a time of silence between them.

“I’ve had it as long as I can remember, Major. They said it was a gift that would help me to become more useful.”

He finished tying her hair and let it rest over her shoulder, a thin band circling the end to keep it tied. His fingers passed over the seal and a chill ran down her spine; she flinched away from the touch.

“This technique, this seal… it’s layered and old, a twisting and turning circle. Such techniques have all but been forgotten outside of those from the Land of Whirlpools and most countries have forbidden them entirely.”

“Why would something that is supposed to be helpful be forbidden?”

“Such...techniques are seen as unethical, and for good reason.” He rubbed at the center of the seal, following the spiral line to the outer circle. “This particular seal takes away a person’s ability to process and feel emotion, which some have theorized, create a more powerful soldier by removing their inhibitions and attachments to this world and the people in it. It essentially takes away everything that makes a person ‘human.’”

“Human…” she repeated, soft, just above a whisper.

“Yes. _Human_. Just like you and me.”

Her brows furrowed together and she fiddled with the uneven end of the braid.

Was she ‘human’? And if she wasn’t, what was she?

_You already know the answer._

_You’re a weapon, a tool._

_You've been told as much for as long as you can remember, why does he think you are more than that?_

“I do not think I fit the description of a ‘human’, Major Kakashi. I've always been a weapon—“

“No." He cut her off, "You are a person, it’s this seal that takes that away from you.”

"If it upsets you sir, I would take measures to remove it." She moved to get up, her knife--

\--but the Major let his hand rest on her shoulder to keep her before him.

She sat back down and he crouched before her, bringing their eye levels closer.

"Listen, this seal isn't something you can remove yourself, please never attempt to do so by cutting it out..." his brows pinched together, "we really need to come up with a name for you."

She hung her head, her assignment was turning out worse than she could have anticipated, it seemed she was an problem in every way possible to the Major.

"I-I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, Major Kakashi... I will try to be less of a burden-“

"Hey--it's okay. You're not an inconvenience. Let's worry about a name and getting rid of that seal starting tomorrow, okay? For now, though, you need to eat and get some sleep, you look like you haven't eaten in a week."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got sappy.  
> #sorrynotsorry
> 
> We may or may not get more from Kakashi's POV soon, depends on how the story plays out!

For their immediate future, Major Kakashi had no orders from his superiors, which meant plenty of downtime. She assumed it would be spent constantly honing their offensive skills as it had been during her time with ROOT, but it seemed in this new post that would be the furthest from the truth. In fact, they spent more time together learning and researching than fighting. It was a strange new existence for her.

He taught her how to read and write beyond anything the Caretakers had ever deemed necessary, and the Major encouraged her questions and curiosity. This was entirely unexpected. Sometimes she would ask about it, why he wanted her (a weapon) to know such things, and he always gave her reasons she found difficult to understand.

_ 'I want you to learn because you're a person, a child who should be in school just like everyone else, same as me,  _ _ Mizuki _ _ ,  _ _ Furumi _ _... and all the rest.' _

_ 'Knowing a variety of skills will help you in life after the war is over.' _

_ 'If you know more subjects, I think you'll find you can be useful in many more ways than killing...' _

It seemed to her that the Major spent every waking hour in a book, whether it be a tiny orange paperback worn past recognition, a text on a multitude of sealing techniques she didn't understand, or one of the many letters he received; the majority containing research into her seal. He spent hours upon hours pondering over how it was put together, and what sort of release it would need to be fully reversed. 

At first, he had wanted to remove it as soon as possible--just three days after they met he tried a basic seal release on it. Instead of anything that could have been called 'productive', his hands had burned upon touching her and an intense shot of pain had radiated through her body like a bolt of lightning.

Pain, as a sensation, had been nothing new to her, but even she had been unable to keep it all inside, and let out a surprised gasp while her knuckles grew white gripping the edge of the chair she sat on.

They had both apologized for causing the other pain, but the girl had almost been  _ distraught-- _ she didn't care she had been hurt, quite the opposite actually, she had hurt her commanding officer, and worried he might discard her for such a failure. Of course, he had done no such thing, he wasn't upset about the burns as they were minor and hadn't been her fault. He didn't say as much at the time, but he  _ was _ angry with her for another reason; her lack of self-worth. She acted as if her life was nothing, and he vowed to be more conscious about this thought pattern in the future.

_ 'We'll try again once we've done more research--' _

' _ Major, you'll be harmed--' _

To appease her reluctance in continuing, he agreed to refrain from a second try until they knew more about it.

After that, he sunk deeper into his research, spending long days reading, taking notes, writing letters, and even sometimes left the manor to meet with others on the subject. She didn't like those days as she was not permitted to leave the manor, and sometimes he was gone for a very long time. It also meant that during this time she was left alone with Furumi, and as much as the Major insisted she wasn't an enemy-the girl didn't trust her. She was very skilled with a knife, and the girl had been given no reason to assume she wouldn't use it on herself or the Major one day.

Major Kakashi received many letters at the manor, and sometimes he let her read them. They all said very similar things; in-depth discussions of fuuinjutsu and advanced releasing techniques she didn't quite understand. She knew only the most basic herself to break from an enemy's illusions on her, but the letters spoke of more difficult and complicated, even sometimes  _ dangerous  _ methods. When he received new ideas from these letters, the Major took meticulous notes for what they could try on their next attempt at the seal. He had almost filled a notebook by the time spring rolled around.

.....

Before they could do more with this compilation of research, the Major was given orders to report for duty at a training camp, and she was to come with. The girl didn't have a problem with this, in fact she had always accepted and known that she was a weapon to be used, and why shouldn't he use her for her purpose? She might have even been a little excited about it, if she could feel such a thing. 

In any case, she was relieved she could finally receive orders from the Major that she knew how to follow.

....

They reported to said training camp just one week later. 

Their first stop was the armory, where they outfitted her in the smallest uniform the base had, and gave her several weapons and supplies she might find useful in the field. When he asked her preferences, she informed him she was most proficient in several different types of weaponry and would gladly accept anything he gave her. In truth, she didn’t need one at all-her body was more than enough to kill, should she have to, weapons simply made the job easier.

She was given a pack for her spare weapons and supplies, along with a smaller box compartment to wear at her hip for throwing knives or other useful tools. There wasn't anything more to do there and they left to join the other officers.

It might have been March or even early April at the time. The fields around them held a grove of blossoming trees loosing pink petals onto the light spring breeze. A strong gust of wind blew past them and a stray pink flower stuck to her hair.

The Major stopped here, just outside the large brick building making up the majority of the encampment, and turned to crouch in front of her.

"Let's give you a name, little one," he spoke, his voice soft while he took the petals from her matching pale hair. He let the tiny bud rest in his gloved palm for a moment before the wind took it, twisting and turning , pushing it higher and farther on the current.

"I think we'll name you Sakura. Do you like it?"

She nodded. "Sa- kura ."

"Perfect. One day, you'll grow into it. We'll get rid of that seal... and then you'll be a human girl who feels with all her heart, as beautiful as a budding cherry blossom..."

He ruffled her hair and stood with a slight smile she would later recognize as bittersweet.

Happy, yet sad.

"...Not a tool."

\-------

_ Kakashi _

On one of their afternoons of training, just after Sakura had downed a whole group of soldiers pitted against her, Major Kakashi was called in to speak with the General in the command there, and they had had her wait outside. He hoped the walls would be thick enough she couldn't hear them, for he knew the conversation would be about her.

Of course the military would want to take advantage of an emotionally sealed child.

...

"---take her with you."

"She doesn't deserve that kind of life, she's just a child! She didn't choose this--"

"That 'girl' is barely younger than you were when  _ you  _ joined ANBU, how is her situation any different than your own? Just have her ride along with you."

Kakashi grithis teeth, just because he had done horrible, despicable things in the name of his country as a child didn't mean he wanted someone else to be forced to go through the same fate as he had. At least he had made his own choices to go down that path; to turn __ into a cold and heartless person, blindly following orders. They used to call him Kakashi the Friend-Killer; the one that valued his comrades lives less than a completed mission. Kakashi considered himself a different person now, and he didn't want anything even close to that life for such an innocent girl.

The grief and nightmares that would come later were something he wouldn't wish upon  _ anyone _ .

"I don't know why you're opposing this, she's deadly, capable, an asset."

"That doesn't make treating her that way any better, please--"

"Just exploit her abilities, Major, this ROOT girl is of no significance to anyone, she doesn't even exist as far as public records show: she's just a weapon to be disposed of when she's no longer useful to you. There is nothing attaching her to this world, dump her on the battlefield if you feel so inclined."

"She isn't ready--"

The General waved him off, and Kakashi knew he had lost this argument. The man went back to signing papers at his desk, presumably those to enlist Sakura to his company. As a weapon.

"That's enough, I don't have time for this newfound 'morally upstanding' Kakashi. This is a direct order, you are dismissed."

Kakashi balled his hands into fists, there was more he wanted to say, but to do so would put himself in a line of insubordination and he knew if he were out of the picture there would be nothing stopping the military from abusing Sakura's abilities until there was nothing left of her.

“Understood.”

That couldn’t happen, he wouldn’t let it. Kakashi left without another word, he didn't like it, but if Sakura had to go to the battlefield at all, it would be with him, and he would do everything in his power to be sure she got out alive and  _ free.  _ She would live a life she deserved and _ chose _ .

Outside the office door, she sat against the wall and he gestured for her to follow.

"You are not a tool, Sakura. I promise we'll remove that seal from your neck... you're much  more.. so much more than a weapon of war. Let's go."

\-------

_ Sakura _

They would spend the next four years together on the frontlines, through many battles and difficult situations. The Major's unit was specifically for infiltration and S-Class missions, and Sakura found she thrived there. She was able to perform her orders efficiently for the Major, as well as the lingering one his brother left.

_ Protect him. _

_ Protect him with anything and everything you have. _

_ Protect him. _

Sometimes she would say so, that she felt sincerely proud of her ability to follow orders, but when she would, the words never really came out right and almost always reverted back to her being his weapon. His expression would change after that, and she was never quite sure what to call it.

( _ Others did; they saw the multitude of expressions on his face, the worry he felt toward her future, the fear, compassion, pure and raw determination, and frustration.) _

In their down time between missions, Sakura was to continue her education through daily reports and reading where she could, while the Major spent his time trying to keep up correspondence with those who might know something of her seal.

They took time to try every suggestion, every slight nuance and idea. Each miniscule note he took and collected and even a few he made up on his own, they were all attempted.

It took so much time, but the Major was patient and Sakura  was willing to do anything he ordered.

Some had an effect, some didn't. Some hurt, oh they  _ hurt _ so very badly, kept her weak, sick, and sweating for days, while others were strangely...  _ pleasant. _

They were the ones that made things happen inside her chest, her mind, the very deepest part of her soul. It was as if someone had taken an invisible thread, wrapped it about her heart and wound and wound until it could go no tighter, and whatever the Major had figured out, it tugged at the very end of the string, pulled it loose and put  _ something _ into motion. With each released turn of the seal's locks, that string unbound her heart, and she began to notice things, things she had never noticed before.

The very first was a warmth in her chest and a strange tug at the corners of her mouth. It was similar to pride, but different, different than anything she had ever experienced, and she wasn’t sure what to call it. Was it... pleasant? It was warm, was she running a fever? 

The first time was after the Major complimented her handwriting and language development on a report. He had smiled at her and she had felt something. It was similar to the feeling she felt upon completing orders, but different.  _ A good feeling that didn't come from completing orders. _

_ But what was it called? _

She started noticing it more often, when their fellow soldiers would congratulate her on a battle won together against all odds thanks to her help, when she saw certain things, like the pinks and oranges in the clouds when the sun was about to set on a cold winter day, or the dappled sunlight on a summer afternoon deep in the forest with cicadas buzzing loud in the trees, or the color of autumn leaves floating on a bubbling stream of clear water. 

One memorable appearance of this new feeling was when a dog the Major had rescued first played with her. The animal had licked her face, circled at her feet and wagged his tail, dropping a stick at her feet. Major Kakashi had laughed, said that dog liked her, and that she should give it a name.

Sakura hadn't known what it meant to 'name' something, but it was a beautiful autumn day.

"How about, Akino?"

"That's a great name, Sakura." 

They had taken the time that day to ignore the rest of the world and just play with an innocent animal. Akino was an innocent and loyal creature who responded wholeheartedly to attention and care. Much like herself. Sakura had smiled for the first time that day, truly smiled. She didn't even know it was happening at the time, but the Major had seen it, had witnessed that pure expression and resolved to see and perhaps  _ cause _ more of them.

Sakura sometimes wanted to ask Major Kakashi about this new feeling, but she was fearful of doing so. It wasn't that she felt shameful of them, quite the opposite, she wanted to  _ continue _ feeling, but from prior experiences in ROOT, she wasn’t sure if she was allowed such concessions.

Some of the other children in her 'class' hadn't taken to the seal as fully as her body had, and the beatings they were given, both physically and verbally, when showing emotional weakness, or any emotion the Caretakers deemed unnecessary, were something Sakura never wished to experience. Very few of those children had continued to thrive in the organization, and those that did not were discarded as useless, weak, emotional.

She could wholeheartedly say she was afraid of the same. Would allowing herself to feel make her useless? Sakura didn't know. When that warmth spread in her chest, she began to fight it; she couldn't show anything until she knew it was safe. It wasn't hard to draw connections, this...  _ development _ , was a direct result of Major Kakashi's release of the first turn of her seal, and as much as she worried of her own impending uselessness, she would never go against her commanding officer's wishes.

_ You should just ask him, he doesn't mind questions, he's never hit you for asking questions. _

The Major was always teaching her new things; perhaps he could explain the feeling to her.

\-----

Unfortunately for her, they received their next orders the day she had plucked up the resolve to ask about it. She had finally decided on what words she would use, and when she saw the Major that evening, she opened her mouth to speak, but he didn't let her get the words out.

"Sakura, we've received new orders. There will be an infiltration tonight, an occupied city in the nearby area has put up a new line of heavy defenses and the other soldiers assigned there need help taking out the advancing unit. You... well you could stay here and wait for me to come back..."

She shook her head.

Major Kakashi sighed, "Of course not," he stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned to leave, "we'll move out at sunset, be ready."

"Understood, sir."

She immediately moved to pack what little she would use, a few knives, explosive tags, etc; Sakura didn't need much.

.....

Sakura was a deadly force on the battlefield, and one many of her comrades never truly understood. She moved without hesitation or fear, and sometimes without tact. Sometimes she didn't see the merit of waiting when she could take out an enemy in an instant, and her communication skills needed some work. When she found two men patrolling the outer fields some distance from the camp, she put them under an illusion, making them think their lanterns had somehow ran out of fuel and that they were quite alone in the blackness, when in reality there was a group of at least ten of their soldiers moving around them.

She was extremely good at what she did, and when her regiment had  passed she took out both soldiers with a kunai slice to their throats.

The rest of the mission went just as smoothly, with their company moving in fast and quiet, taking out all of the enemy in question, and even those they hadn't been assigned to. They were instrumental in ending the occupation of the city, Sakura especially. She had cut down more of the enemy than three of her fellow operatives combined and her illusions were invaluable assets to those fighting with her.

...

She and the Major entered the city later that night, assigned to keep watch for any straggling occupants. Sakura noticed the streets were filled with people giving each other packages, their faces filled with a warmth she recognized as that she felt in her heart; that new feeling. She and Major Kakashi watched people pass them by.

"You know, Sakura... these people have been occupied by Lightning soldiers for years, and now they are  _ free _ . I--do you realize that  _ you _ have made this happen?  _ You  _ gave them their freedom."

She wasn't sure what his point was, but nodded anyway, "Yes, our mission was successful, and would have been more difficult without my use."

It was her purpose to be useful, and she had done her best. It was simple and logical to her.

"It's not just that." The Major responded, but didn't expand further.

They stood for a few more minutes of silence, and Sakura continued to watch various citizens exchange items. She was curious as to why they were doing such an action. What was the purpose?

"Why are they giving each other items, Major?"

"It's a tradition in the Land of Fire this time of year to give gifts to those people you are thankful for."

He looked to her and rubbed at the back of his neck, "So, Sakura... is there anything...  _ you _ want?"

"Me? What I want?"

"Yes, tell me something you would like."

"Of course, if it is your order, I will do anything--"

Major Kakashi let his hand fall, "It's not an order, Sakura. Think of it as my way of saying thank you... and 'I'm sorry'."

"Why would you be apologizing to me, Major?"

"All this  _ fighting... _ it's... I didn't want _ -sigh- _ never mind... walk with me."

She followed immediately, trying to watch for suspicious activity while inevitably getting distracted by the slew of different storefronts they passed filled with endless bright displays. 

"Major Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"You've asked me to tell you something I want, but I don't know what to ask for."

"A girl your age... I suppose you might want clothing, or an accessory of some sort. Something you like."

"If those are appropriate than I would like clothing or an accessory." It was simple to follow the Major's directions, she struggled to think of anything she truly 'wanted' outside his orders.

Major Kakashi gave her a short sort of laugh and they continued walking. Sakura kept glancing through shop fronts, but every piece of clothing they passed was meant for extravagance, it would be ruined on the battlefield and was impractical for free movement. 

Eventually, one stall caught her eye, and she stopped.

"What's the matter?" Major Kakashi called back to her.

The piece that Sakura had stopped to admire was a beautiful, deep red stone set in a gold metalwork frame. It was a necklace and caught the light no matter how she looked at it. The colors almost seemed to melt together in a myriad of different reds, purples, oranges and yellows reflected from the street's lights around them. A crack ran through the deepest heart of the stone, but that didn't detract from its value to her. It made no difference-the piece wholly reminded her of the Major, of his deep, swirling red eye... and the wound cutting right through it.

"It's the same. It has the same color as your eye," her chest felt warm and she pressed her hand to it, she still hadn't figured out if it was safe to let it go, but maybe just this once it might be okay?

Sakura looked up at the Major then, and there was some sort of emotion on his face that she didn't recognize. She felt a leap in her heart, as if it had skipped a beat and her blood rushed hot through her veins. The saleswoman spoke and Sakura turned back to the stall.

"It's a beautiful necklace, isn't it?" she said, a smile on her face.

"You said, 'beautiful'?"

"Yes."

"I don't know what you mean, is it the same as 'pretty'? Are they the same?"

"Yes, they are."

...

Sakura was so distracted by these findings, and the cracked jewelry that reminded her so deeply of her Major, that she didn't see the conflicting feelings in his eyes. He was so very proud of her growth in emotional depth, but felt sad that she still didn't know such simple things. Was he failing her?

...

The Major bought her the necklace and she held it precious, tight in her hands as they continued through the city. He stopped her at a bridge underneath a streetlamp, there was no one else around, and he leaned against the railing, a far away look in his eyes.

"Are you sure you didn't want the one that was the color of  _ your  _ eyes?" He asked her.

"I am. This one was... the most beautiful, more than all the others."

Major Kakashi looked to her, he was paying attention, but didn't speak, it was if he didn’t expect her response-he was surprised.

"I did not know that  word before, so I had never used it, but I think your eyes, both of them, are beautiful, ever since I met you."

Sakura stood next to the Major and leaned against railing as well. She held the necklace in her hands and watched the light catch it. The warm feeling hadn't gone away and she wondered if he might give her an answer if she asked.

"Let me see your necklace, I'll put it on you."

She gave him the piece and he tied it about her neck. It laid against her chest and she held it out to look at it.

"Thank you, sir."

Major Kakashi sat then, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the pavement and his arms rest on the lower beams of the railing. She joined him.

_ It's now or never, just  _ _ ask _ _ him. _

"Can I ask you a question, Major?"

"Always, Sakura. What is it?"

"It's... hard to explain. I don't know what it is, but I thought you might be able to help me understand."

He didn't respond, instead waiting for her to find the words she wanted to say.

"There's this...  _ feeling _ in my chest, it's warm and I think I... like it? It's only there sometimes... but most often when I see you,  Akino too, when you smile, and laugh...what is it called?"

"I can't say for certain what is in your heart, but if I had to take a guess, I would say it is called 'happiness'. That you are 'happy' when you experience that feeling. It usually means something pleasant has happened to you, or perhaps you've done something pleasant for someone else. Smiling and laughing are outward expressions of this feeling and are a way you can show other people that you’re ‘happy’." he paused for a moment and turned away from the stream, looking instead upward, to the many stars scattering across the night sky, "It makes me happy when I see you smile."

Sakura did smile then, a small sort of thing that barely turned the corners of her lips; her first feeling finally had a name: Happiness. 

Now for the second part of her question, and the more worrisome of the two.

"Am I allowed to feel.. 'happy'?" she asked, gripping her necklace tight, "we were told that this seal blocked unnecessary things, that they made us more useful. Major--is removing it going to make me useless? I don't want to be discarded."

The look he gave her was sharp, "You are not useless and you never will be. Listen, Sakura, this seal on the back of your neck takes away your emotions. Without it, you will be whole, a normal person, someone who  _ feels _ . I want that for you, for you to be free to decide what you want from life, and to not be forced into this...  _ fighting _ . There is so much blood on your hands...you had no choice in it and I'm sorry I couldn't do more to stop it."

"So, it is not...  _ bad,  _ to feel?" A drop plopped onto her necklace, and Sakura realized she was crying.

“No, Sakura, no,” the Major pulled her close in an embrace, one not unlike that of their first meeting. She let herself lean into it, let her tears fall, “feeling is never bad. To feel takes a lot of courage and its all a part of being human, all the good feelings right along with the bad.”

She was so relieved to hear his words.

“We should get going.” He whispered after a short time, but made no move to get up.

"Yes, sir."

“If you ever have any questions like this,” he wiped the tears from her cheeks, “please, ask me. I want to be there for you. Always.”


End file.
